


Leaping to Conclusions

by Tommykaine



Category: Original Work
Genre: Challenge Response, Comedy, Gen, copying and reposting this work elsewhere without my permission is strictly forbidden!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 01:30:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18201656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommykaine/pseuds/Tommykaine
Summary: A professor gives his class an assignment on the theme "amphibians". Simple enough... or so he thought, but he failed to consider something.And that is, all of his students are idiots.





	Leaping to Conclusions

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Sixth Week of LandeDiFandom's COW-T challenge (9th edition), for Mission 2, using the prompt "Talking and communication issues".

When Mr. Stevens decided to give his students an assignment on the theme "amphibians", he had thought he got things covered.

Half of the class would probably go with the most obvious and safe pick, and hopefully they would not be stupid enough to hand him ten identical projects on frogs since everyone had to pick a different species. There were nearly five thousand known species of frogs, so that alone should provide them with ample opportunity for variety.

Unfortunately for him, the poor teacher had not counted on a simple yet very significant fact.

And that was, the vast majority of h. is students were as dumb as a rock.

  
  


"Mr. Stevens, are platypus amphibians?"

Finnigan asked him that question the very next day.

The man looked up from the homework he was correcting. It took him a few moments to elaborate on the question, but then he replied.

"Actually no, the platypus is a mammal. To be precise it's a monotreme, one of the only five currently existing animals of its kind."

"Oh".

The teacher went back to his task, but he barely even had time to look for the right line again before someone else asked a question.

"Are iguanas amphibians?"

This time he did not even raise his eyes from the paper.

"Iguanas are reptiles. They don't even swim, much less live in water."

He was about to focus back to his sheets to grade when-

"So an amphibian can live in the water, and out of it, right?".

This time it came from Simmons, and he inwardly cringed. Simmons had never exactly been the brightest crayon in the box, to put it lightly.

"For varying amounts of time, but yeah, that's usually correct", the teacher replied. He could already feel the beginning of a headache creeping up on him.

"Ok! So... that means a duck is an amphibian, right?".

Mr. Stevens stared at his student as if he'd just grown a third head. At first he thought that the boy was making fun of him, but then he saw that not only was he dead serious, but also nobody else was laughing and in fact some of his classmates also seemed to be eagerly awaiting an answer.

_Good Lord._

Taking a deep breath, he did his best not to let his irritation show as he answered. "No, Simmons, a duck is most certainly _not_ an amphibian. Ducks are acquatic birds, like swans and geese - which, before you ask, also aren't amphibians".

"What about crocodiles?", Renner immediately chimed in, her tone as anxious as ever. "Crocodiles can swim, and they live in water...so they count, right?".

_Oh for goodness's sake..._

Petersen also chimed in before he could even answer.

"Do turtles count?".

"No, guys, please...". Mr. Stevens took another deep breath and raised his hands as if to physically stop the upcoming barrage of questions of the same nature he knew he was about to get. "Use your brains. Turtles and crocodiles are reptiles. They have scales, which amphibians don't, and even though they can hold their breath for a really long time, they do not breathe underwater".

Silence, at last. Mr. Stevens sighed in relief, thinking that finally, finally, he would be able to go back to grading the work of those idiots.

Unfortunately for him, that only lasted for less than three minutes.

"What about those fishes that can walk on land for a bit?", Collins excitedly said. "I saw those on a documentary. So are those-"

_SLAM!_

The man slammed his hands on the desk, prompting all students to jolt back in surprise.

"Good God, WHY, please tell me why can't you just write about DAMN FROGS?!", he yelled, unable to believe the lengths to which they could go to demonstrate their stupidity.

Nobody dared to speak. The man clenched his teeth and rubbed his temples, already regretting his dramatic outburst. He hadn't meant to snap like that. Maybe it was his fault for picking such an ambiguous topic. But really, why go through so much trouble when they could just pick frogs, or toads? Or salamanders, or... hell, if they really wanted to get creative there were always caecilians.

Finally, after a long time a girl in the last row timidly raised her hand.

"Yes, Lavey?".

"Uhm, you said we had to all pick different species so... we can't really just all use frogs...right?".

The poor man almost wanted to weep.

"Frogs are the _genus_ ", he said in a dejected tone, his exhaustion and desperation clearly audible in his voice. "The _genus_. Not the species. There's over four thousand different frog species. Use one of those".

A chorus of oooh and aaah and various relieved noises filled the room.

As for Mr. Stevens, he couldn't wait for the next Holidays. At least then he would not have to deal with them anymore for a couple weeks, nor have to answer to all sorts of absurd questions.

  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> Feedback
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> I normally reply to all comments so if you do not wish for your comment to be replied to for any reason, please add "hush" somewhere in it and I will quietly appreciate it instead.


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